The Greatest Song of All

"The Song of Songs, which is Solomon's." SOS 1:1

Of the 1005 songs Solomon wrote over the course of his life we have the privilege of being able to read his greatest song any time we like. It is found in God's word as the Song of Songs or the Song of Solomon.
This incredible book on romance, attraction, marriage and intimacy is a blueprint that God has given us to show us what sex and romance should look like from His perspective.
The first 7 verses of this book show us what attracts a woman to a man. Never once in these verses does the Shulamite woman describe the physical characteristics of Solomon. Despite that however she is clearly attracted to this man, so much so that we have 3 distinct instances where she is the aggressor in their relationship.
1. In verse 2 she says kiss me - "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth-"
2. Verse 4 she says take me away - "Draw me away."
3. Verse 7 she is looking for her man - "Tell me, O you whom I love where you feed your flock..."
This woman is aggressive, she is pursuing this man and she does not care what anyone thinks. Is that ok? Absolutely! Never in the bible does it say that it is wrong for a woman to pursue her husband, in fact these 3 verses opening this book tell us quite the contrary.
So if she never describes this man then what makes him so attractive? His character. "...your name is ointment poured out..." His name meant something, his name was a reflection of his character. Solomon comes from the word Shalom, peace. Literally meaning peace, well-being, safety and prosperity. Not a bad name to have! Because of this man's character she is smitten with him, she trusts him and she desires physical intimacy with him.
Gentlemen, our character is the most handsome or possibly the most unattractive thing that our wives will ever see. What does your character convey to your wife? Can she trust you, does she feel safe with you, are you a place of peace in her life? Too many men think that we have to be hard, tough and disconnected emotionally to be a man. I beg to differ, in order to be a real man we must love our wives as servant leader, the way Jesus loves us. Jesus is our Lord and our Savior, He died a brutal and painful death on the cross because of our sin, not because he had to but because he loves us so much that he wanted to. Gentlemen, we do not love our wives in order to manipulate them or to conform them to our standards, we love our wives because Jesus loves us and our marriage is a picture of the gospel.
The woman describes herself in verses 5 & 6. She acknowledges the fact that she is both dark and lovely, she did not fit the standard of beauty for that culture but she knew that there were some lovely qualities about herself as well. Guys, your wives will change, they have changed. She is not the same person you married. She may have had children, she has gotten older and she has aged because of the stress of living with you. So what do we do? We look at our wives as our standard of beauty. No matter how your wife looks, no matter what changes she has gone through, she is your standard of what beauty looks like. If you have ever looked at a magazine or a movie and thought to yourself, "I wish my wife looked like that, acted like that or talked like that." You have just raised your standard to a level your wife can never attain and you have lowered your satisfaction level and done it to your own detriment. Men, if you are not satisfied with your wife's actions, looks or performance; that is your problem, not hers. She is a gift from God and a daughter of the king, when we can grasp that and begin to treat our wives as such we will have the most beautiful woman in the world as our spouse.
Ladies, while this woman understands that she does not fit the cultural standard of beauty she also knows that she is lovely and as we will see in future chapters she makes herself attractive to Solomon. As godly wives you should make every effort to be visually appealing to your husband. Men are visual creatures and they are turned on by what they see. You are the one your husband needs to see and you are the one that he should be enraptured with. You do not dress a certain way in order to compete with those images that bombard us at the grocery store, in movies or on the Internet. You dress in a pleasing and attractive way in order to glorify God by serving your husband visually.
As we continue through this book we will look at many different ways to grow in marital intimacy but I can tell you this, the key is to serve one another for the purpose of finding joy in the service, not to obtain a result. Our marriages are a picture of Christ and the church, Jesus loves us, the church respects His authority. Husbands love your wives, wives respect your husbands. If you can learn to do this then God will richly bless your marriage.