Fruit and Foxes

"Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste." Song of Songs 2:3

Clearly this couple is working toward intimacy in their relationship. Throughout the first chapter the couple takes turns praising each other and the more they praise the more specific they get. Here, the Shulamite says that Solomon is like an apple tree among the trees of a forest. He is outstanding, different and noticeable. He stands out among all of the other men.

The second part of this verse is one of great debate. Dr. Daniel Akin in his book God on Sex explains it this way, he says that the woman is saying "what I taste, smell and feel is sweet and causes me to want more and more." The physical passions of this couple are igniting as they near their wedding day. James Dillow in his book Solomon on Sex says, "here we have a faint and delicate reference to an oral genital caress." The bottom line no matter how you interpret this verse is that this couple is specific in their wants and desires for each other.

Married couples today should be so open in their conversations about pleasure within their marriages. Many couples never talk about specifics in their sexual relationship and this is concerning for a number of reasons. One, they are limiting the possibility of new and exciting experiences. Secondly there is a danger of curiosity that one spouse may desire to try something and the other partner won't even discuss it. This is dangerous because a lack of communication in any area, not just sex is detrimental to the marriage and could lead to a search for pleasure outside the marriage relationship.

Sex is best when it is approached with an attitude of service. If our desire is to please our spouse and we come together with that intent then we will experience maximum sex. Phil 2:3-4 says: "let nothing be done through selfish ambition...look out not only for his own interests but for the interests of others." If we carry this attitude over into our physical relationships with our spouse we can then begin to discover the gift of sex the way God intended it.

"Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines. For our vines have tender grapes." Song of Songs 2:15

We all have foxes in our marriages that must be caught. These can come in many different forms and come quickly before we even realize what has happened.

Some examples of foxes that steal the fruits of marriage are: lack of communication, lack of time, outside interference and stagnation. I'm sure there are others but these are just an example of some of the more common issues that couples deal with.

The sneakiest and most destructive fox is a lack of communication. If we as couples stop communicating we are allowing our marriages to be destroyed from the inside out. Men really need to grab a hold of this and make a point to communicate with their wives about everything. When, not if issues arise in your marriage will you be taken by surprise or will you know how to deal with it and work through it because it is something that you have openly talked about before?

The same is true of the Christian life, when we cease to communicate with God through prayer and His word our walk will become weak, and small issues will seem like major events because we don't know how to handle these things through the power of Christ in us.

Catching the foxes in our relationship is imperative for a healthy marriage. For many of us though the foxes have already destroyed much of the fruit of our marriages. But take heart, spring is coming again and know that God is the ultimate creator and ultimate cultivator and He can and will restore the fruit that the foxes have eaten. We must humbly repent and give our marriages to Him in order for us to be made holy not just happy.

The Greatest Song of All

"The Song of Songs, which is Solomon's." SOS 1:1

Of the 1005 songs Solomon wrote over the course of his life we have the privilege of being able to read his greatest song any time we like. It is found in God's word as the Song of Songs or the Song of Solomon.
This incredible book on romance, attraction, marriage and intimacy is a blueprint that God has given us to show us what sex and romance should look like from His perspective.
The first 7 verses of this book show us what attracts a woman to a man. Never once in these verses does the Shulamite woman describe the physical characteristics of Solomon. Despite that however she is clearly attracted to this man, so much so that we have 3 distinct instances where she is the aggressor in their relationship.
1. In verse 2 she says kiss me - "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth-"
2. Verse 4 she says take me away - "Draw me away."
3. Verse 7 she is looking for her man - "Tell me, O you whom I love where you feed your flock..."
This woman is aggressive, she is pursuing this man and she does not care what anyone thinks. Is that ok? Absolutely! Never in the bible does it say that it is wrong for a woman to pursue her husband, in fact these 3 verses opening this book tell us quite the contrary.
So if she never describes this man then what makes him so attractive? His character. "...your name is ointment poured out..." His name meant something, his name was a reflection of his character. Solomon comes from the word Shalom, peace. Literally meaning peace, well-being, safety and prosperity. Not a bad name to have! Because of this man's character she is smitten with him, she trusts him and she desires physical intimacy with him.
Gentlemen, our character is the most handsome or possibly the most unattractive thing that our wives will ever see. What does your character convey to your wife? Can she trust you, does she feel safe with you, are you a place of peace in her life? Too many men think that we have to be hard, tough and disconnected emotionally to be a man. I beg to differ, in order to be a real man we must love our wives as servant leader, the way Jesus loves us. Jesus is our Lord and our Savior, He died a brutal and painful death on the cross because of our sin, not because he had to but because he loves us so much that he wanted to. Gentlemen, we do not love our wives in order to manipulate them or to conform them to our standards, we love our wives because Jesus loves us and our marriage is a picture of the gospel.
The woman describes herself in verses 5 & 6. She acknowledges the fact that she is both dark and lovely, she did not fit the standard of beauty for that culture but she knew that there were some lovely qualities about herself as well. Guys, your wives will change, they have changed. She is not the same person you married. She may have had children, she has gotten older and she has aged because of the stress of living with you. So what do we do? We look at our wives as our standard of beauty. No matter how your wife looks, no matter what changes she has gone through, she is your standard of what beauty looks like. If you have ever looked at a magazine or a movie and thought to yourself, "I wish my wife looked like that, acted like that or talked like that." You have just raised your standard to a level your wife can never attain and you have lowered your satisfaction level and done it to your own detriment. Men, if you are not satisfied with your wife's actions, looks or performance; that is your problem, not hers. She is a gift from God and a daughter of the king, when we can grasp that and begin to treat our wives as such we will have the most beautiful woman in the world as our spouse.
Ladies, while this woman understands that she does not fit the cultural standard of beauty she also knows that she is lovely and as we will see in future chapters she makes herself attractive to Solomon. As godly wives you should make every effort to be visually appealing to your husband. Men are visual creatures and they are turned on by what they see. You are the one your husband needs to see and you are the one that he should be enraptured with. You do not dress a certain way in order to compete with those images that bombard us at the grocery store, in movies or on the Internet. You dress in a pleasing and attractive way in order to glorify God by serving your husband visually.
As we continue through this book we will look at many different ways to grow in marital intimacy but I can tell you this, the key is to serve one another for the purpose of finding joy in the service, not to obtain a result. Our marriages are a picture of Christ and the church, Jesus loves us, the church respects His authority. Husbands love your wives, wives respect your husbands. If you can learn to do this then God will richly bless your marriage.

Naked and Not Ashamed

Can we really be that vulnerable? Could we be laid bare in front of someone and have no doubt that we would be respected, loved and honored no matter our faults?
We can when we follow God's plan for our marriages. He has given us explicit instructions on how to live a married life well.
Over the next few months we will be taking a journey through the book of Song of Solomon to see how we should do sex and intimacy the way God intended for us. Sex was God's idea and he has given us a whole book on how to do it correctly and do it in a way that serves our spouse and honors Him.
We will learn how to be naked without shame in the presence of our spouse physically, emotionally and spiritually.
It should be a lot of fun, I hope you will join us for this incredible study.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

No problem!?!? Jesus speaks these words to us in Matthew 6:25-34. He addresses our basic needs; food & clothing. Most of us usually begin here everyday and often times these very things can become a stumbling block to a great day in the Lord.

Jesus asks us in verse 25, "is life not more than food and the body more than clothing?" Too often we begin to identify ourselves with our look or our image and when those things aren't working we crumble, become stressed out or even worry. Don't think you are one of them? Then see if you can relate to these examples.

Ladies, have you ever skipped church or another event because of a bad hair day or because you had "nothing" to wear?

Gentlemen, is your hair too thin and your waist too thick? Two words... comb over!

I'm not saying its bad to look your best, but when that begins to affect your attitude and your fellowship with others or more importantly with our Lord then there may be a worry issue.

Jesus then gives us the example of the birds, how they don't plant, they don't harvest and they don't keep a pantry (or barn) full of Y2K back-up food. But they are provided for and they do not starve. Something interesting about the bird illustration though is this. Birds are not usually in the same place all the time. When the food runs out or when the weather gets harsh the birds move. We tend to get very comfortable in our little ruts and then get angry at God for not providing for us. I think sometimes that we may need to move. God will always provide, he promises us that in these verses. However, we may have to make an effort to look for that provision.

Jesus makes mention of the Gentiles (the unsaved) in verse 32. They seek after possessions and provision because they have no hope. They have nothing else to do except worry about their next meal. Those of us who know Jesus have a hope in the eternal. We don't have to worry about the temporal earthly things because we have an eternal mindset.

We are to seek first the kingdom of God and He will provide more than we need. In Matthew 14 we read of the account of Peter walking on the water to Jesus. When Peter got out of the boat it was windy and waves were crashing all around but it did not matter because Peter was focused on his Master. It says in verse 30, "but when he saw the wind was boisterous, he was afraid..." Nothing changed except Peter's focus. The wind and waves were always there, Peter just took his eyes off of Jesus and he sank. But if we continue reading we see that when Peter cries out "Lord help me!" Verse 31 tells us "immediately Jesus reached out His hand." Too many times we don't cry out to our Savior, we are more content to worry about the situation or the circumstance rather than seeking first His kingdom. We struggle to swim back to the boat while Jesus waits for us to acknowledge His presence so that he can immediately extend His hand to us.

Why do we worry? I truly believe it is a lack of faith. We don't trust God to handle those things that we think we are capable of handling. We must also change our expectations. We get a sense of entitlement and think that God must meet our needs on our terms. None of us are exempt from the storms of this life.

John 16:33 tells us that in this world we will have trouble, but Jesus also says in this verse, "be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." The storms are always around, the key is to keep our focus on our Savior and we will not sink nor will we be overcome by the troubles of this world.

To quote a great worship song:

"When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with you above the storm.

Father you are king over the flood

I will be still and know you are God"

May we all find peace and stillness in the glory of our Lord.

Don't worry, Be Happy!

All we need is love

"Love your enemies, bless those who curse you..." Matt 5:44

We aren't supposed to tolerate our enemies, we aren't told to be nice to those who persecute us. Jesus said to LOVE them. It is easy to translate love the easiest and most painless way for us. But if we look at the biblical definition of love it becomes a little more difficult to love our enemies. Heck its difficult to love our own family if we use 1 Cor 13:4-8 as our standard, and we must.

Patient, kind, not jealous, not proud, not puffed up, not rude, not selfish, nothing provokes it, no evil thoughts, saddened over trials but is happy with the truth, can handle all things, hopes for all things, it will endure and never fails; that's what love is. Do we really love our enemies? Does anyone understand what it means to love their enemies? Jesus certainly did, he prayed for them on the cross. "Father forgive them..." Luke 23:34. Would you choose a friend knowing that one day they will condemn you to death? Would you invest time and energy into someone who would sell you out for a few bucks? Would you serve and wash the feet of a friend who will betray you, lie about you and help to ensure that you are arrested for crimes you did not commit? Jesus did these very things for Judas, a man who turned out to be an enemy. The most amazing thing is, Jesus knew he was going to do it, Jesus knew what was going to happen and Jesus loved him. Stephen prayed "Lord do not charge them with this sin." as he was on the ground being stoned to death. Love through prayer.

Hooker says, "Prayer is that which we always have in our power to bestow, and they never in theirs to refuse it."

If you want to love your enemies, begin by praying for them. Prayer changes things and it usually begins with the one in prayer. When you pray your mind begins to be transformed to the mind of Christ. Your perspectives begin to change and your wants, desires and even your hatred begin to take on the perspective of Christ.

Before any Christian was a child of God, they were an enemy. God did not refuse to love us and because of it we were allowed to experience his incredible grace and mercy. Who have you written off as unsalvagable because they are your enemy and you think they are without hope? Jesus died for his enemies, out of gratitude and awe of what He did could you love yours?

We are to be different, we are supposed to look different than the world, we are to love our enemies, bless those who persecute us and do good to those that hate us. Those are not worldy traits.

Matthew Henry said, "Christianity is more than humanity."

Be more than everyone else, all you need is love.